What I Feel Deep Inside

What I feel deep inside
Is the turmoil that tells me I am not even there.
I feel that I am nothing,
No one,
Not wanted, and not loved.
It is what I feel,
What I know,
What I don't want to face.
Knowing that I will always be alone.
Knowing that no one will ever love me.
Knowing that no one will ever care.

I feel as if all my life has been lived in vain.
Nothing I have done has made a difference.
I am worthless,
I am nothing.
I am no one.
That is all I ever was.
All I believe I ever will be.
This is what I feel deep inside.

I feel as if the whole world looks down on me.
Hating me for reasons known only to it.
I feel as if everything I know is wrong,
And I am lost inside of confusion.
I feel that everything I have tried to gain in my life,
Is an illusion that I will never achieve.

I feel like a volcano at times,
Bubbling under the surface,
Until one day I have had enough,
And I can't take it anymore.
Then all of a sudden,
Out of the blue.
Everything comes out at once,
And the world looks at me like I am crazy.
Crazy for cracking under the pressure.
This is what I feel deep inside.

I feel love,
Everything all at once.
I love few,
But love deeply.
I hate many,
With every part of me.
Everything else is there,
But not RIGHT there.

Messed up in the head now.
Waiting to see.
Wanting to be.
Crying in silent,
Dying inside.
Whole no more.
Never to be again.
This is what I feel deep inside.

I feel hope of a dream
Thinking one day that it will be better than it is.
I feel that nothing bad can last forever,
Even when I have been proven wrong so many times before.
Everything bad has lasted my whole life.
I have never known anything more.
Still I feel that something good will come of my suffering,
Come of my pain.
Nothing good ever does!
This is what I feel deep inside.

I am ready to break.
I am ready to snap.
Bad day to be me.
Bad day to want to know me.
Snap, I crack.
Only I don't crack inside,
I crack your neck.
Snap you in half.
Crazy now.
Crazy in the head.

But I know something you don't.
I got away with it.
Cause I know how to cover my tracks.
I snapped you in half,
And you didn't even see it coming,
Did you?
I thought so.
THIS is what I feel deep inside.

This volcano finally bubbled over.
And won't shut up.
That is what finally happened to me.
Cause of all the things,
I feel deep inside.

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