What Can I Do?

What can I do
When everything is so wrong?
What can I do
When my whole world feels like it has come undone?
What can I do
When it is all so fucked up?
What can I do
When my life is draining me to the point where I can no longer think?

I think about you all day,
Think about him as well.
It's not easy to feel as I do,
Love more than one
In ways I can not explain.
You are both a part of me.
You are both equal to me.
To decide where to go,
Is a horrible feeling.
To decide what to do,
Is tearing me apart.
You don't understand how I feel,
Neither of you do.
You don't know how hard it is,
To live with the pain of the two.
I am drawn to you,
And then drawn to him.
I am owned by you,
And so must be owned by him too.

Neither of you understand
Just what it's like to love you both.
I am in the middle of this thing,
Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I left you both.
Never talked to either of you again.
But I am to selfish to be without you,
Either of you.
Please try to understand,
Just what this is doing to me.
Please try to understand,
That it's tearing me apart inside.
I know that eventually I will not have either,
So I want to treasure the time I have with you now,
Before my world changes forever.

I am the sliver of darkness inside of you my light.
As I am the shard of light inside of you my darkness.
I am the whole of you both.
I am sorry to place the curse of the other inside of you.
You should not possess the other side,
But I am that part of each of you.
I will drive you both insane wanting what is never there.
I will drive you both mad if I continue to share myself with you.
Please understand just how much I love you both.
And please understand when the day comes,
And I am left with neither.

From caution we started,
Grew to friends.
We became close,
And then so became lovers.
I love you, I can't help it.
You know I need you
You know I can't survive without you.
But my love for you will cause me to do something you will hate.
My love for you will cause me to protect you from me,
And the day will come when you will no longer want to be with me.
I know this for a fact,
I know this is true.
There is only so much one can take,
There is only so much each can live with.
Eventually you will be better off without me.
And when that day comes,
I will walk away from you and wish you true happiness with one who is right
for you.

I know these words are painful to hear.
Just as they are painful to write.
I don't want to lose you,
Either of you.
But I have to face the facts here,
One day you will wish me gone,
And I will have no choice but to obey your wish.
Because I know that I can never deny you anything in my heart.
And if being with me is causing you pain,
Then I will leave and hope it goes away.
I can't watch as you hurt,
I can't watch as you cry.
Your tears and pain will cause me to say good-bye.
It will be for the best
I know it will.
Because when you ask me to leave,
I will just walk out the door.
I will always love you,
That will never change,
But I will have to learn
How to live without you.
It's the only thing I can do.

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