The Fight Is Gone

I suffer in silence
No one hears.
No one hears the fear
No one hears the pain.
I suffer alone
I suffer in solitude.
No one sees the hurt,
No one sees me.
I suffer behind a closed door.
No one walks through.
I am completely alone
I know that now.
Completely alone,
And completely unwanted.
I suffer in my mind's eye.
I see the pain.
I see the hurt.
No one but me sees.
No one but me wants to.
I suffer in isolation.
It is lonely here.
I am used to loneliness.
It is all my life has ever been.
It is all my life will ever be.
I have accepted that fact.
I have accepted that pain.
I have accepted what Fate I am condemned to.
My insides can take it no longer.
I am tired of fighting.
I am weary of the never ending battles of my life.
My life is a battlefield,
I am sick of it.
I don't want to fight anymore.
I don't want to feel the pain anymore.
I just want it to end.
I want it to be over.
I want the battles to end.
It isn't worth it anymore.
I used to think life was worth fighting for.
I used to think love was an attainable dream.
I know now that neither are true.
The fight is gone from me.
There is nothing left.
I can't fight anyone anymore.
I don't know how.
I am to weary of the fight,
I have conceded the battlefield of my life.
It is no more.
I have at last been cut down.
I have at last been killed.
My fight is over.
It is gone.
I lost.
They won.
What does it matter?
Who cares?
It's over,
It's done with.
Good bye to it all.
The Gods are cruel to play this trick on me.
The Gods are vengeful to me.
They hate me.
I consign my life to The Fates.
The battle is over.
The battle is lost.
Goodbye to all.
I have been struck.
I have been cut down.
No longer do I have to fight.
No longer will I need to.
The suffering is gone.
The pain is no more.
My fears are non existent.
Love has never touched me.
Love has never wanted me.
I have lost the battles,
I never had.
It's all I wanted,
And it is no more.
The dream never reached.
The dream never attained.
What should I care?
I lost.
I am no more.
To loose in the battle of life.
Is a hard pill to swallow.
The reality sneaking up,
Crawling like a little bitch
To bite your ass.
The pain is not felt.
You are already dead.
The dead do not feel the pain of the living.
It is easier dead.
It is easier dying.
It is easier not to have to fee.
The pain is gone!
By the Vengeful Gods, The Pain is gone!
I never have to feel again.
I am dead.
I am cold.
And I always will be.
It's gone forever.
Never to return.
The agony of my life is no more.
The Blackness fills me now.
Covering all parts of me.
My soul is consumed with The Abyss of Blackness.
No Light shines there.
No Light ever will.
I knew a long time ago that The Light wasn't for me.
I was not Destined for The Light.
But still I fought for it.
No more!
I have allowed The Blackness to fill me.
I have allowed The Blackness to consume me.
The better for me I think.
The better for all I think.
I no longer fight for the wrong Destiny.
I no longer try for what was never meant for me.
I have accepted my Fate.
I will no longer fight for anything else.
The Fight is gone!
The Fight is gone!
The Truth remains.
The Truth I fought so hard to change,
To ignore.
No longer.
I accept the truth now.
I accept what's there.
I accept what I didn't want to know.
The Truth can not be changed!
I have submitted to it.
Forever, my life eternal,
I have submitted to The Truth.
It's done.
It's over.
Never again to feel.
Never again to want.
Never again to try.
Gods Above, I have been stricken down.
It is as it should be.
It is as it will always be.
The Fight is gone!
Blessed Be, The Fight is gone!
How can I fight the battles that need to be fought,
When I can not fight the battle of my life?
When the battle of my life is lost?
How do I fight?
How do I remember?
How do I bring back The Fire that once was?
How do I remember The Passion that once burned?
Burned inside of me?
How do I get that once,
One most precious part of me back?
Is it truly gone forever?
Is it truly lost into eternity?
Into The Abyss?
Perhaps no,
Perhaps yes.
I can not say.
I feel the anger swell,
I feel the desperation rise up,
Rise up like the lava that flows.
The Fight in me is still here!
It is not gone!
I feel arms reaching into The Abyss,
Reaching for me.
Trying to find me.
The arms embrace me,
Encircle me.
I am pulled out of The Abyss,
Drawn up by faceless arms.
I ascend,
I climb.
I reach The Gray,
Light shines through.
Spots of Light pierce The Gray,
It is not dead here.
The Faceless One continues to pull me up.
I am brought against my will.
The Gray was comfortable.
I could be happy there.
The Faceless One wants me to walk in The Light.
I am scared.
I try to run back to The Abyss,
The arms hold me fast.
I can't move.
They are to strong for me to resist.
I have no choice,
I have to go.
The arms pull me further.
Is it me,
Or did I feel a loving caress?
Was it a fantasy?
Does The Faceless One offer me comfort?
Does The Faceless One care?
It was a dream,
A hope,
A wish.
It was not real.
It couldn't have been.
It was a trick.
I continue to rise.
The arms get tighter around me.
They refuse to let me go,
Refuse to let me run.
I desire to be back in The Abyss.
The Light gets brighter.
I am becoming not me.
The Light continues to grow,
To shine.
I begin to loose the feeling of The Abyss.
Even though I crave it again.
The arms hold me tight,
I continue to ascend.
I see a body now,
"The Faceless One" I think.
Strong arms,
Stubborn eyes,
Determination in every part of the body.
I see how weary the body is.
I see the pain in the muscles.
I am brought forth into Pure Light,
Not a hint of shadows.
I see The Faceless One,
He is Faceless no more.
His arms embrace me in a lover's caress.
He holds me close to him.
The Light surrounds us,
I am blinded by it.
He braved The Abyss for me.
He braved The Abyss for a reason unknown,
A reason that is alien to me.
What do I have to offer him?
What could he possibly want with me?
The answers I seek allude me.
I hear his voice speak to me,
Rich texture,
Soft sighs,
Subtle inflections.
His voice washes over me,
Through me,
Filling me with even more of The Light.
Is this so?
Is this possible?
I feel like I fly on a cloud.
His words stop;
I look up.
He has a curious look on his face,
He leans down,
I turn away.
Afraid of what is to come.
He reaches out,
Lifts my face.
Lips brush mine,
I shiver.
I do not want to feel fear,
It is there.
His mouth closes on mine,
I drown in the kiss.
Hands caress me,
They feel good.
He leans away,
I feel rejected.
I try to run back to The Abyss,
He catches me before I take two steps.
He holds me against him,
I cry out the pain.
His arms hold me tight,
I desire his touch.
A hand runs along my neck,
Caresses my face.
What am I to do?
Believe the lies he offers,
Or run if I can?
I want the lies.
I want what he offers.
His arms start a slow seduction of my body,
I fall into him.
The lies are easy to believe,
I think.
Time enough for The Abyss later.
Let him use me for now.
Let this be another wound for The Abyss to suffocate.
We move together,
A brief moment of happiness crosses my face.
We lay together,
I am ready to go.
"No!" he says.
And, pulls me to him.
"Why?" I ask,
Needing the lie.
I see something shine,
The Light reflects.
I see the question in his eyes,
I am speechless.
He asks.
The kiss on my lips is tender,
I smile up at his question.
I feel a weight on my hand.
The Light fills me,
It is Truth.
I know The Truth now.
The Light is for me.
I was meant to walk here.
With him...

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