Once And Again Lost Lover

Your memory crosses my mind,
And a tear rolls down my cheek.
I see your eyes shine,
And remember the love that radiated from them.
I hear your voice speak to me,
And remember the soft,
Rich texture of it.
Your words: your laugh.
The laugh I loved to hear.
I still feel your body pressed to mine,
Though there is only a shadow of what once was.
I still love you.
And that will never change.
You'll be inside me forever,
Constantly shadowing my life and it's direction.
But you are never there with me.
One day,
I hope my pain will ease,
And my tears will uncry themselves.
But only you can stop them.
So, I guess they will just keep falling,
For quite a while yet.

But what do you care?
You who cares not…
You who feels nothing for me.
You who never felt anything for me.
I know you don't care.
I know you could really give a damn.
This is useless.
Why do I hold on to what never was?
Why do I hang on to an illusion of what we had?
The illusion was shattered a long time ago,
So why can't I just let go?!

It drives me insane!
I climb the walls!
I want to scream!
If only you were here,
To take away this insanity I feel,
And stop me from crawling into the recesses of my mind,
To escape the craziness of it all.
If only you were here to hold me,
And tell me how strong I am,
Because I sure as hell don't feel it right now.
I feel weak and our of control,
As if I am caught in a flat spin hurtling through the sky,
Ready to crash into the earth below!

You were always my center,
Where everything made sense.
And I wish everything made sense now.
I need you more than you know;
I lean on you more than I ever let on.
And I mean now!
Tell me how you feel about me!
Treat me like your queen!
And I'll treat you like the Prince,
I always knew you could be.

I was wrong to leave you.
I was wrong to give up on you so soon.
Let me come back,
And tell me everything will be ok.
Tonight, I don't think I could take it,
If you rejected me.
What runs through my mind in this moment,
Is enough to drive me insane.
I want you so bad,
But I don't know how to show it.
I want you so bad,
But I don't know what to do about it.
What do I do?
Tell me!

Inside of this minute,
To see your face,
I would do The 7 Labors of Heracles over again.
The impossible tasks he had to fulfill,
Would seem as leisurely and easy as a walk in the park,
Compared to the torment I feel at this moment.
I would kill Balder myself,
And bring about Ragnarok.
The day of doom would be a welcome beginning, or ending,
Compared to the loneliness I feel right now.
To have you back in my life,
I would do what you condemn,
And become the most powerful Druid that ever was,
And use my power to will you back to me!

But I'd never do that,
For I know how deeply you despise it.
And anyway,
What do I want with a farce of a love to start with?
If I get you,
I want the real thing.
Not a shadow of it.
I would rather dance with the dead,
Than except a shadow of the real love we could share.
I would rather fall into an abyss of amplified,
Physical pain,
And never surface,
Than live without your love,
And never have to doubt if it's the real thing or not.

But I'll never have to do any of these things,
Because quite frankly,
What we had is gone with the wind.
And I have to accept that.
Even though I don't want to.
I know it's for the best.
I know that,
And even though I know that,
I also know that I will love you even past Ragnarok,
And "The Day of Truth",
And so on.

I will accept this fact with dignity,
And keep my head held high.
And I will cut you loose in my mind,
As I have already done in reality.
My once and again lost lover.

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