Longing To Believe

Your words strike a chord deep inside,
Hitting me in a vulnerable spot.
I want to believe what you say,
I want to live in those words,
And let them drown all of my fears away.
But every time I move closer to you,
A ray of doubt creeps into my thoughts,
And leaves me asking dangerous questions,
That will destroy whatever we might ever hope to share,
Before it can even being to emerge…

I can’t beg your forgiveness for the doubt I feel,
It would be wrong of me try,
I don’t want to be hurt,
And left alone to cry.
I know pain like so few have ever felt,
My past is riddled with a torture you will never know,
Memories I don’t want to share,
I would wish this pain on no other alive;
I do not want to add you to the growing pit of pain in my heart…
I don’t want to hear you say goodbye,
And leave me alone forever to cry…

I am longing to believe in your words,
Believe in your love…
I am wishing for nothing else in this world to be true...
I am longing to hold and be held by you.
I am the reason you have turned away from me,
I am the reason this silence continues…
I was hurt,
My pain to great to bear.

You said only friends,
After you broke my walls down,
And I believed that you loved me.
And now there isn’t even of a whisper of an echo left to me.
I am too stubborn to apologize for how I feel,
I am too proud to admit I was wrong.
Just as you are to stubborn to say anything,
And to proud to admit that our emotions took control,
And we both were at fault for what happened.

I am too sardonic for one like you,
You need someone who doesn’t bear my pain on their heart…
Someone who can know happiness,
And live in it with you.
It’s a dream I will never know,
A wish I will never be granted.
I longed to believe you,
Until I finally did.

You broke down my walls,
Shattered them away,
If only for a short time.
They are rebuilt now,
More sturdy than before.
I have locked myself away,
And will hide forever more.

This wasn’t your fault.
It was meant to happen.
I am not made to be loved,
Only to love,
And look on with a sad heart,
Desiring that which I will never have.
I tried for you,
And failed the test,
Something I must now live with,
And shoulder the memory of.

I let my true love walk away,
Without a backward glance…
I let him walk away,
And I never tried to stop him.
I let you go,
Only after I felt your hate.
The bite was cold,
But not as much as your voice,
Your words ring loudly in my ears.
I remember them once more.

The pain of my failure slices me open,
And shakes me to the core.
I wanted desperately to believe you…
But when I started to doubt,
My worst fears came true.
It’s all my fault.
Now you are gone.
And I must figure our how to live
With what I have done.

© Copyright 2005 Arcania | All rights reserved
Distribution of any content contained herein is prohibited without express written concent.